Image by j.gurian via Flickr
I get to be the center of a much sleazier reality show as mom of the Planet Teenage Girl citizen who apparently fell out of bed and hit herself on the head with a sledgehammer…. or whatever is necessary to make a person capable of INSANE behavior. Ahem… After yesterday’s edge-of-your-seat episode with the Planet Teenage Boy citizen and the Old Guy with the road rage problem to mask the Equality Of Immaturity Demonstrated Across Generations problem, I thought perhaps, I might have earned a milder day as a mom juggling the ricocheting Planet Teenager inhabitants. I think God laughed. Instead, things get more epic by the minute, as I am electronically informed that my PTG citizen received an office referral for “Profanity with hand signs” and no, this did not involve any standard form of manual obscenity, but rather the creativity channeled by a child who has a Deaf mom and therefore has taken it upon herself to invent some new, previously unheard of sign language (being the expert with the Deaf mom and all) to express vulgar-ness towards her friend she was mad at.
I was requested to write some “Parental Comments” on the detention form. Best I can come up with so far is “Epic Fail,” although I’m not sure if that pertains to my parenting ability or my Planet Teenage Girl citizen’s ability to attain civilization. Her Life Is Over, by the way. She protested, “But, I still have a life, right?” (big hopeful puppy dog eyes.) I informed her that I Have Canceled Her Life, as she surrendered her rights to said life when she crossed the boundaries to insanity and behaved in a manner unbecoming of someone whom I Physically Gave Birth To.
Planet Teenage Boy citizen jumped in with a well-timed comment about how he felt so “trusted” that I let him drive the car alone, without the hassle of having to bring me along….. oh, wait, he meant without having to hassle me with riding along in the car….. Anybody want some teenagers cheap?
The Irony. I just got back on track with Post A Day, and today’s question requires the impossible. Which music act in history would I, a Deaf individual, like to see? At least the question is accurate, as I wouldn’t be able to hear anything. Nonetheless, since I lost my hearing 13 years ago and was not born Deaf, I do have the ability to extrapolate what music I would want to hear — if I could. Very definitely would be John Tesh Live At Red Rocks concert, as in, to be there live, fully able to hear and enjoy. Awesome. I know my music knowledge is de facto dated, but I still remember the fascinating sounds of what seems to be a musical genre of it’s own — “Tesh music.” You can call it whatever you want, but you can’t put it in a box… Classical, contemporary, rock? Yes and no. All I really want to tell you readers is to shut up and listen! Because You Can.
For all my fellow deafies, I think you’ll agree with me that Sean Forbes has the best music to see.
Can’t think of anything very exciting, like the ability to tie cherry stems with my tongue. Now That Would Be Real Talent. Let’s see, Deaf karaoke singer? Nah… I’m extremely good at embarrassing teenagers, but I consider that a ninja skill, not a talent. I’m pretty good at making random weird things at 10pm the night before it’s due…. ahem, that would be the teenager thing again. I am very creative…. in spurts. That would be Unplanned, Unscheduled Spurts. I have no idea when it will hit, but it just does and I come up with some really creative idea or solution. I wish I could harness that talent, and use it to do my bidding. But, alas, it will not respond to my commands. If I was a teenager, I would roll my eyes about now…. More than anything, I am definitely Not Funny. I can’t even buy a Courtesy Laugh most of the time, and yet I amuse myself…. ahem, that would be the teenager thing too….
Cola Slurpees, definitely. Alone in my car, turning up the volume and bass to max (I’m Deaf) and playing rap music. My particular car causes even the gas pedal to vibrate to the music. Putting my arm on the car door is great! Sometimes the drivers seat gets involved in the beat too. Risk: police officers don’t usually understand that all that racket is Not Distracting Me From Driving at all. My children are embarrassed when I’m waiting in the carpool lane. They say You Can Still Hear It really loud half way across campus. Going to Dog Beach when the weather is good. Getting visitors to my blog. Inventing play on words across ASL and English. Only about 2 people in the world understand them, but I amuse myself at my ingeniousness. This is an Eccentric Result of losing my hearing as an adult and being bilingual….