Muse, Wherefore Art Thou?

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Has anybody seen my muse? Post A Day wants to know how I find it. Gotta tell you, I don’t find my muse– it find’s me. I have no idea from whence it comes, but it suddenly descends and a torrent of words comes Pouring Out My Fingers. Many times, if writing on actual paper, I will sit and stare at it in awe after I’ve gotten it all out of me. Where did that come from? I’ve been told I “Have A Way With Words.” The truth is words have a way with me.  I don’t go searching for them, they come at me and I link them, absorb them, try to communicate them and Share The Joy I Experience with others.  I love play on words, bizarre acronyms, bilingual word plays, and epic metaphors. They give me life, they make my world colorful and exquisite. Apparently, other people don’t experience this, which I think is very sad. Ha, I have an extensive vocabulary, yet I choose to use a simple description “very sad.” Maybe my vocabulary is a big part of my muse, the delight in finding a way to express something in an unexpected way.  Then play with even that by incorporating the extremely simple, everyday, colloquial, slang. If there isn’t any appropriate slang laying around, make some up! Likewise with grammar, speaking inside out is a blast, if even for all the confusion on the listener’s face. Don’t even get me started on punctuation…..

Smelly influence….

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“Anxiety, depression, fear, anger, and joy all emanate from this region.”  Third paragraph, second sentence of my     nearest book, “Essential Oils Desk Reference” by Essential Science Publishing.

What region is it?  The region where all this stuff is emanating from, that is.  That would be the limbic system of the brain, which the sense of smell is directly linked with, and the emotional center of the brain.  Thus, inhaling Essential Oils directly affects your mood.  No hocus pocus, just brain structure.  This is why women often put on perfume when they need a little “lift” in their spirits.  This is why Disneyland has the smell of vanilla wafting thru Main Street to make the Happiest Place on Earth a little more happier.  This is why savvy bed & breakfast places have either bread or cookies in the oven when guests arrive.

Plan “B”

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I know, I’m a day off on the Post A Day thing, so sue me.  “Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? by Pete Wilson (no, not that one, another one) changed my life because it challenged the idea that somehow we are “suppose” to have easy carefree lives without any troubles, mean people, tragedies or conflicts. While most of us will say we don’t expect life to be perfect, I don’t see a long line of people to sign up for the hard stuff. We don’t deserve exclusive blessings, nor do we deserve a certain quota of tragedies. Why do babies die?  I Don’t Know. If I knew everything, I wouldn’t be sitting around blogging. We are simplistic beings, like 2 yr olds whining because they can’t have a cookie, or worse, because they have to eat vegetables. However, God is more like a Rubik’s Cube Kind of God– there’s a lot of complicated stuff that affects other people which affects other people, and so on. Did I want to be in a major car crash with a permanent injury so that my friend could mention the name of Jesus in a country hostile to Christians because he was only repeating what one of those “American people” had told him? Glad it blessed somebody in some other country where it’s way harder to survive than my struggle not to drive across the street to get a soda, but I still really hated physical therapy. This book taught me to stop fighting what’s actually happening and let Someone who actually has a clue about managing the universe handle it. Stuff is gonna happen. Usually it does. Be ready for the “Plan B” and recognize that just because you feel out of control doesn’t mean He is out of control.

Gumby!

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This is where all your fancy claymation came from, people.  Gumby started it all. If we didn’t have somebody making a zillion Gumby’s in each Slightly Different Pose to create motion, we wouldn’t have had 3D animation at all. If I could have any fictional character come to life for a day, Gumby would be it. I don’t know if it’s allowed, but I’d like his pony pal Pokey too.  What would we do? I know I’d love to do that walking into books thing, for sure. Stretching out and then flattening…. Hey, maybe Gumby started shape shifters too! All I know is Gumby is awesome but simple and doesn’t involve any Weapons Of Mass Destruction in his storyline. If only we could have such characters for today’s kids. I’m kinda scared to see what’s on Saturday morning cartoons. It sure ain’t Tweety Bird. Gumby is my buddy. I have him on my CD holder at my desk to remind me that We Can Be Anything we want to be…. I think I’ll take the stretched out taller-and-skinner thing.

He was once a little green slab of clay. Gumby!
You should see what Gumby can do today. Gumby!
He can walk into any book, with his pony pal Pokey, too.
If you’ve got a heart then Gumby’s a part of you.

Well, duh!

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That’s probably my favorite slang phrase, although upon reflection I came up with several.  Hey, I’m freaked out about the lame waaahmbulance wanna go blog about it, or is it too lame? Yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah…. I think my favorite phrase, “Well, duh!” is a direct result of having teenagers.  Brilliant scholars that they are, all of a sudden lose the Common Sense Gene by saying things like “I didn’t know you wanted me to turn the dishwasher on after I filled it up.”  Well, duh! I also like using Obscure Quotes From Movies/TV programs which only my husband and I actually understand and find amusing.  “If you blow a guy to bits, there’s gotta be bits of guy.” (Bruce Willis to Cybil Shepherd in “Moonlighting,” circa 1987)  “I don’t think so, Tim” (“Home Improvement” Richard Karn.) Isn’t that the fun of being an adult? We say weird things that make kids roll their eyes. Parents Are Soooo Embarassing.

Mind reading…

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Would I go for a day with the ability to read minds? Yes. Just for the fact that it would Help Me Grasp Reality and relieve feelings of paranoia that people are thinking ill of me.  I know it’s a psychological fact that mainly, people aren’t thinking about you at all–positive or negative.  But I think a day of reading minds would definitely bring that concept home. Most people have no idea you suspect they have malicious thoughts about you. I have often seen a person not even being aware there was a big “problem” between them and another person which was so “obvious” to the other person Based Completely On Their Perceptions.  Yet, it is a human tendency to suspect others are judging and opining about me.  Of course, as this is complementary to the idea that I am the center of the universe. Bring on reality! Hooray For Truth!

Irony of Planet Teenager…..

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Somehow, having a job with responsibilities changes the perspective of certain citizens of Planet Teenager.  Major rant about how the people last night didn’t clean up when they closed the store and actually left *GASP* dishes in the sink!! Fire them all, they know better and they know that “everybody depends on everybody else to do their job correctly.”  How inconsiderate those night people were, didn’t even bother to Wipe Off The Syrup Pumps! “Why do they even have a job if they are going to be irresponsible?”

Suddenly the camera changes focus from the PTG citizen and the mother to the bathroom where there is makeup all over the place, some dirty, some “status undetermined” clothes are on the counter, and there’s toothpaste globs in the sink…..  And yet, of course, our very miffed PTG citizen Sees Not The Irony Here…..

My magical tree….

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This really sounds shallow, but my magical tree at the moment would grow money.  I told you…. really shallow. But I never expected unemployment to turn my family upside down for 9 months and counting.  We are wayyyyy past just “making do” and “cutting back on Starbucks.”  Tired of Big Decisions including whether to buy toilet paper or milk.  While I know that money most definitely cannot buy you everything, and certainly cannot buy you happiness or peace, at the moment it would really be nice to pay off bills and go to the store with the ability to actually buy normal food.  This economy thing is dragging on and on and on, like a really bad nightmare. So my magical tree wouldn’t bring world peace or serenity at the moment…. just looking for sanity.

Where I grew up….

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Where I grew up, we walked around and thru many fields of beans, strawberries, apricots, you name it.  One on every corner with fresh powerful tasting fruits and veggies.  Last month they built a strip mall on top of  largest field still actually growing fruits and vegetables.  Only one field left, a small strawberry field that I pray will be allowed to continue it’s existence. This strawberry field is a memory of friendlier times without warehouse stores, where you didn’t stop at the gas station to get junk food, you just pulled over at one of the many fruit and vegetable stands and bought something fresh from the harvest. No freezers, partially-hydrogenated vegetable oils, and yet, kids liked them!

My hidden talent….

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Can’t think of anything very exciting, like the ability to tie cherry stems with my tongue.  Now That Would Be Real Talent.  Let’s see, Deaf karaoke singer? Nah…  I’m extremely good at embarrassing teenagers, but I consider that a ninja skill, not a talent. I’m pretty good at making random weird things at 10pm the night before it’s due…. ahem, that would be the teenager thing again.  I am very creative…. in spurts.  That would be Unplanned, Unscheduled Spurts.  I have no idea when it will hit, but it just does and I come up with some really creative idea or solution. I wish I could harness that talent, and use it to do my bidding.  But, alas, it will not respond to my commands.  If I was a teenager, I would roll my eyes about now….  More than anything, I am definitely Not Funny. I can’t even buy a Courtesy Laugh most of the time, and yet I amuse myself…. ahem, that would be the teenager thing too….